As a speaker, coach and trainer one of the recurring themes I come across is”adulting” is hard!
No matter what the position you hold, no matter what your Master’s degree, everyone always has moments of self-doubt and feeling slightly inadequate or out of their league. Mel Robbins so aptly shares with us – somehow we believe when we’ve left school and hit the world with our unending charm or newfound “adult” confidence that “we’ve got this covered!” – and still 10 -12 -15 years later we don’t. What we do have is experience, and if we are fortunate enough to have learned from failures and successes we’ve ‘kinda’ found our feet in the world.
What I find most interesting is even as adults, I meet people who are lonely, people who are in high profile positions who don’t have the confidence to go on a date, and people with families, careers and money and just don’t feel like they even have a purpose. What stands out for me about what Mel Robbins speaks about is – No ONE is coming! Here in my thirties, I thought I was the only one who experiences this. Millions of people are experiencing the very same thing.
No one is coming to:
- Get you to the gym – to make sure you’re making healthier choices on a daily basis
- Get you motivated – to make that next call or take that next step to your next best life
- Give you a pep talk – when you feel like you need a hug (unless your parents are still alive and you blessed to have a great relationship)
- Give you the cash – to make sure you really just have enough money
- Find your solution – to YOUR problem
No one is coming and you will be fine. The beauty about realising this is – suddenly we know that the responsibility for all of it – is yours and yours alone.
- Who you are on daily basis?
- Who are your friends?
- How well do you build relationships with people?
- What’s the state of your mind?
- Your health?
Once we’ve wrapped our brains around this actual fact, we can start having better-self evaluation. Self -talk. Self-actualisation. What we know about the brain is: It’s there to follow instruction, it finds supporting evidence on whatever you focus on and it’s built to keep you safe.
Your brain is waiting for bigger instruction. Make the instruction bigger than the moment you are in. Let me explain. Life happens and it doesn’t always turn out as we want it to and what we tend to do in situations of fear and angst is go small. Think small. We panic. What your brain needs in that moment is for you to reach for something bigger. Bigger than that moment, bigger than you! No one’s coming in any case. Reach for it. Reach for a bigger immediate action you can take. Reach for a bigger vision. Pick up the phone NOW and call the person you’ve needed to call for months already. Google a question. Take the time to set up your calendar so you schedule time better. Do whatever you must do right now to change it.
The best quickest way to do this is to detach from the emotion and how do we do this? Find a mentor, a coach, someone who inspires you and ask yourself – What would “NAME” do in this situation? Reach for more possibilities and a different approach. Reach for a different point of view. Reach and push yourself to be uncomfortable and ask yourself in your discomfort – What am I learning?
Lisa Nichols – Guru, coach and author says: Don’t make me the hero when you’re too lazy to become one. You are the hero in the story. No one is coming. Reach. Be the hero that you’ve always needed. Reach for it every day. Reach for it more. Reach for if daily, hourly in every minute. Reach so that in 10, 20 30 years from now you can say. I was the hero of my story. It was me all along.
Mom always said – “If it’s to be it’s up to me” – She was right.